Why I Ditched Mainstream Yoga.
For seven years the shocks absorbed by my joints as I ran faster and longer, the friction of bone wearing down cartilage, the tears in the muscles as I pushed, lifted and pedaled my way to a certain body size are now searing reminders of the aggression wielded by my will. For years I trained my body to fit into a size 4 dress. Yet, of disciplining my mind, I knew nothing.
Luckily, the fortuitous events that brought me to the practice of meditation also brought yoga into my life. This would mark the beginning of a new relationship between my mind, body, and spirit.
I met Barbara Powell, affectionately known as Yogamabarbara, with the aid of a little divine intervention disguised as Google. Anguish in my personal life had propelled me to find solace from any source. She, a teacher of yoga and meditation for over twenty years, had advertised pictures of a humble yet paradisiacal log cabin sheltered amongst the mountains of Sante Fe, New Mexico that she rents to seekers of solitude.
Still firmly etched in my mind is the drive from the airport, through the winding town of Santa Fe nostalgic of a quaint Spanish village with its dimly lit adobe homes, past the art galleries, and up the quiet mountain's narrow gravel road. The stark red earth dotted with cactus shrubs and tall dry grass swaying in the breeze echoed the emptiness seeping through the early evening. Eager to break the silence, I asked her, "How often do you do yoga?"
With one firm stroke, her answer put me on to the right path, "Yoga is not something to do. It is how you live your life."
Where the blue sky had parted, a fiery surge of red, orange, and purple had begun to bleed through. As I watched this benevolent sky cloak the harshness of the landscape with its warm glow, her response and calming presence began to awaken and heal dark recesses within myself with the light of awareness and love.
The next ten days mostly spent in solitude would begin with a yoga session with Barbara. The early morning sun rays would lay softly across the wooden walls and the floor of the living room and as we moved in and out of them, her voice gently guided me through the different facets of this practice. Here I learnt that yoga is more than just the aesthetically pleasing bodies promised by the Hot and Power Yoga sessions.
That the six other aspects of yoga in addition to Asanas (postures) and Pranayama (breathing) are not widely known or taught is a grave injustice to this practice. Yama (five moral precepts towards others of compassion, truthfulness, non-stealing, self-restraint, non-covetousness), Niyama (five moral precepts towards oneself of purity/cleanliness, contentment, self-inquiry/awareness, spiritual practice, commitment to it), Pratyahara (training and control of the senses), Dharana (concentration of the mind), Dhyana (contemplation/meditation) and Samadhi (all-encompassing interconnectedness) are all tools and gifts that shape and chisel a human being to become emotionally, physically and spiritually fit to live a life in perfect harmony with one's inner and outer universe.
From day to day, we have bent, tightened, strained and injured various parts of our bodies either due to unawareness or in my case, from lack of concern for the long-term effects of the short-term gains. So we come to the mat with attention and an intention to heal the body and also the mind.
The difference between a beginner and an advanced yogi is not the physical strength and flexibility on display but the wisdom with which their tools are employed. Just as the reins are used to guide the horse, the practitioner first and foremost uses the breath to keep the wandering attention aligned with the body, thus anchoring it firmly in the present moment.
By staying fully present, not ignoring a past injury nor craving a gain in the future, we accept whatever moment we are in. If the hips, shoulders or neck need to stretch and open, we do so gently. If the back needs to be strengthened we practice doing this slowly to notice that the strength of one part of the body must not come at the cost of injury to another. We observe with the aid of concentration, which is firmly wedded to the breath, the mind's tendency to either push past a current limitation with aggression or passively stay within a comfort zone and not make any effort.
Off the mat, with the concentration being cultivated and sharpened on it, we observe the same habitual tendencies of the mind arising and passing away. Whether we are enforcing our will due to greed, possessiveness in a relationship, an imposition of our desires on those around us, or remaining uninterested and uninvolved due to laziness, weakness, or fear are all lessons that can be incorporated into this practice of self-inquiry.
To be firmly focused and ensconced in the stillness of the present moment as the body, breath, and mind move in synchronicity, to use the tools to bring our attention back to this point when it wanders, to have compassion for ourselves and others when due to ignorance or carelessness we are hurt by others or cause suffering to another, to see that neither inaction nor mindless activity is the way, that is yoga.
I hope that you too bring yoga into your life. It may begin with some breathing exercises or gentle postures, a few minutes of meditation or introspection but whatever tool you choose to begin with, give yourself some time to become familiar with it. Like any craft, it will take some time and patience to know how to use it well. Your committed effort will be rewarded in ways similar to that of an artist who spends a lifetime perfecting a masterpiece.
The mind may be focused on an outcome and benefit imagined in the future. But somewhere and somehow amid one moment unfolding into the next it dawns on you that there is nowhere to get to and nothing to be gained.
That your work of practicing the art of living a life in accordance with equanimity and your efforts to cultivate patience, self-awareness, and compassion have already bestowed on you the greatest gift of all. One of living in peace and harmony with yourself and others.